counselling in Swindon by Gilly Chapell

the journey of the emerging self

My experience tells me many clients come having grown up trying really hard to please their parents, their teachers, their friends and peers. They leave school and work hard to please their bosses to get a promotion, get a long term partner and work hard to please them and eventually they wake up exhausted from pleasing or butting against everyone else and find they need to start working on pleasing themselves without feeling like they it comes with a high price tag attached.  Sometimes we can also find fundamental needs not being met in the right ways. Such as:


  • Appreciation
  • Approval
  • Encouragement
  • Support
  • Security
  • Respect
  • Attention
  • Comfort
  • Acceptance
  • Mirroring
  • Twinship
  • Idealisation


When our needs are not met in an appropriate way defences can start popping up all over the place. Sometimes we may notice a bit of anxiety before our defences kick in, sometimes it may not be in our awareness at all. 


Our work in therapy is to bring the emerging self out and give you confidence in finding your way and being you.  We might start by bringing into your awareness your use of certain words such as the word 'should', how you hear that word, what does it mean to you and how the use of this word changes your behaviour. The 'should' word links to the internalised critical parent which plays a key part in undermining our self confidence and identity.  We then look at the different choices you have in those situations and bring into your awareness your freedom of choose based on your morals and principles.  This helps reduce feelings such as guilt, regret and doubt.  In therapy we study theory in great detail but we don't understand how any of it applies to you until you make the decision to share your story and together we agree to learn together in search of your increased emotional well being.

I'm truely hoping for you to get in touch, share your thoughts, I'm just a message away... and I do reply!